Be a Tattler: Telling on Your Friends Who Have Eating Disorders

When you are close to someone, you will often notice when something is wrong before other people. For example, if your best friend breaks up with her boyfriend, you'll recognize that her eyes are puffy from crying before others and be able to offer comfort first. If someone close to you is battling an eating disorder, you may be the first to notice. Carefully observe the person to be sure your suspicions are well founded, and if they are, your first step is to tell someone you trust so that your friend or loved one can receive the help he or she needs. Knowing whom to tell can be difficult, so carefully consider your options before making a decision.

First, consider going directly to the person. This is the most honest approach to take and could save your friendship if he or she gets defensive about your accusation. Sometimes, you truly do have nothing to worry about and your friend is fine, but be careful because your friend may be in denial about his or her eating problems.

A better course of action would probably be to speak with a trusted adult. You have many choices: parents, teachers, religious leaders, doctors, dieticians, other family members, and coaches are all good choices, depending on the situation. Carefully consider how each adult would react to the news. Someone who will panic or confront your friend is not a good choice.

Also be sure you can trust the adult you tell before you voice your concerns. This person should understand that you are speaking in confidence. Adults like to gossip as much as teenagers sometimes and it could be very harmful to your friend if rumors were spread about his or her condition. For this reason, also only tell those who truly need to know. Other friends, co-workers, and those who do not know the person very well should not be involved in the situation unless you have a very specific reason for telling them.

Finally, decide how you will tell another person. You may wish to have a face to face conversation with someone, such as a doctor, since they can help you better understand a next step. However, if you want to tell a family member of you friend and are slightly embarrassed or otherwise uncomfortable, you have other options as well. Letters and Emails work well for this, because you can make sure you write down exactly what you want to say. You can even send concern anonymously this way.

Whoever you tell, in whatever way, do it quickly. Your intervention could mean the difference between life and death. You may feel like a tattle-tale, but voicing your concern is always the best choice to keep your friends safe and happy.

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